If you are a wannabe wimp, leave this page NOW!!! .
Laziness is god's greatest gift to mankind and i intend to use it to the max. Being lazy is not the important thing,any bum can do it.The important thing is getting away with it. That's easier said than done. In fact hardly working is most of the times more work than working hard. Then why do it? because inside every one of us is a fat lazy cat (except for people who eat cats, inside them is a dead fat lazy cat) and nothing compares to the satisfaction you get from the sunday morning Pandiculation in your bed.
So what's better than a sunday morning pandiculation in your bed? A sunday morning pandiculation on a monday afternoon in your office chair,in front of your coworkers and boss,when you are supposed to be working your ass off. ( and sex, but that's not the point here)
But like i said, its not easy. For starters you need to keep your job because you need a job to make money and you need a job so that you can bitch about your job.The essence of laziness is in this quote " There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it ". You need to take careful precautions if you don't want to be found out as a lazy slob and get kicked out of your job. You need to look like you're doing something most,if not all, of the time. Staring at the computer while doodling or mentally undressing the hot lingerie model you saw last night on F-Tv should work if your job involves computers,which in today's world is pretty much everywhere.
Start off by finding a document that can cover your ass in case you're ever found out. It better not be a movie script or your resume. If yours is a computer job it can be a software document, if not take a print out and leaf through it the whole day. The sub-conscious mind can easily take up the job of leafing through the document and you are free to mentally harass the hot model. This works even in meetings but i strongly suggest that in meetings you be the most proactive member.
When you are in office meetings, you need to look like you fully understand all the aspects of your job and are enthusiastic about giving your 101% to the company. This will make your boss think that you are a gifted intellectual too and that will help whenever he finds you leafing through an important looking document. Take every chance to ask questions and better yet offer suggestions.Repeat some important sounding quote of your boss and ask him for further clarifications so that you can do a value-add to the idea.
Be careful though, you shouldn't over-do it. Most of the times, bosses tend to talk out of there ass. An overdose of enthusiasm can lead to you becoming his unofficial(More work, same pay) deputy.And you don't want that. Offer insights , suggestions but make it look like you are not equipped or capable to do the job yourself.The boss wouldn't want a great initiative ruined by your inexperience and will not offer you the position of leading that "Task-Force".
Its good for you actually. Nothing good ever comes out of being a leader (remember it will still be unofficial).So you must avoid the leader-ship like its the titanic with a retarded chimpanzee as it's captain.
If you do it in just the right amount and way you will be all set for at least half a year of sloth , your slobbery and incompetence will go unpunished (if not unnoticed)and consequently you will regain happiness.(as long as you don't call your boss a blubber-butt or spit in his mouth)
If that doesn't work, you can always set your boss on fire.
